Icon by me.

I finally got around to typing this. This is for Ree.

HOW THE LAMUS ATE SATAN
by Ema and Ree

Once upon a time there were two girls who wanted to go
see the clowns at the State Fair. The happy clown had
flashing devil horns that one of the girls really wanted so
she ran after the clown, tackled him, stole the devil
horns, but she discovered that they weren't fake and she'd caught
the real thing! "Satan? Sir?" she asked unsure of herself,
"Why the hell, um, heck are you dressed as a clown?" Then
she realized that Satan didn't look very happy with her.
"Because everyone knows clowns are the devil," said Satan,
as he tried to smooth his hair back in place. "But you
nevermind that. I know, let's play a game! And if you win
I'll grant you a wish. If not, I get your soul! Non negotiable.
Actually, I get your souls anyway. Santa's not the only on with a list.
I have a quota to meet each year, and two new places
picked out for the both of you- nice cozy fires- never need a blanket
in the winter. How does that sound?" he asked with a sly
grin. "But enough of that! Who knows Go Fish?" he asked.
The two girls, Lily and Petunia, looked confused as cards
suddenly appeared in their hands. "How about not," said Petunia, "I
would really like to go back home now. I have a math
test in the morning." "Ahh math," said Satan, "one of my best ideas
for torturing young mids. Well, I wouldn't want to stop
you from experiencing the full... experience. But I can tempt
you into staying by serving you underage girls alcohol.
A little booze, some hot guys with interesting fetishes... the usual.
How does that sound?" "We'll pass. Come on Lily, let's go!"
Satan put on his best cute-puppy pout, which made him look like
a rabid chuhwawa (sp?), and only scared the girls more. They
decided to make a run for it and bolted, dodging carnies and
more clowns, down the road toward home when suddenly
Petunia yelled, "Wait! Idea!" and veered off to the left down a
narrow path through the trees, where a lake could be seen
in the distance. She ran with Lily hehind her all the way out
to the water. Oddly enough, the water in the area was
glowing from some sort of phospherescent plant in the water.
Lily, without thinking, plunged her hand in to grab
at the plants and jerked back. "It's warm!" she exclaimed.
"That's because that's Hot Luna Weed. It's magical. A peice
of advice- don't eat it," said a voice from beside them on the
shore. There stood a very little man in a very extravagant
turban and vest. He sat down cross-legged and patted the ground
beside him. "I see that you need guidence. Let me help you
learn the secrets of everything, the universe, and 42. Come, sit!
And soon you may even harness the power of the Luna Weed."
The girls sat and took the two cups of tea that popped out of the air.
This seemed like a worthwhile adventure, what, with the
advice about the mythic 42, and the little man was a charming
host. Petunia spoke first, "I've heard that Satan is alergic
to peanuts... what does that have to do with the Luna Weed?"
"Good question young lady. Neither should be eaten because
both are naturally occuring forms of MSG. Always carry peanuts and
pepper spray with you, in case you meet Satan. Luna Weed is
very useful also. Don't bother with holy water, peanuts are more
effective by far. The unpublished version of the Bible explains
their use. But look there!" he pointed, "See that lamu at the water's edge
there?" "You mean the purple blob thing sitting on that poor
fisherman?" "Ah yes," replied the man, "looks like he got on the bad side
of the lamu. Highly discouraged. But what I meant to say was
that lamus are a very endangered species in these parts. Their primary
food source is Luna Weed, and this patch is the last on Earth.
You're both very lucky to be witnessing the magicalness. I mean how many
young girls have ever even heard of a lamu, or Luna Weed?"
"Not many," said Lily, "but momma always did say that we
were destined for greatness. What else is Luna Weed good for?"
"Well, it does wonders as a face plaster- very nourishing, and if
used often enough, you'll have a complexion as smooth as a
marble. You know what, you're both intelligent; that's why I'm sending
you both home with trial-size packages of it tonight. Other
people would laugh, but not you two. Come, I'll show you how
to collect it without burning your hands or upsetting the lamus.
Upsetting the lamus is a verrrry bad idea. They've been extra touchy
since Satan started destroying their habitats. It's rumoured
that they're training their young to eat him and they have all
of Hell as their private BBQ. They havn't found Satan yet, but
when they do, I wouldn't want to be there. There's only one thing
they need to know: what he's been disguised as all these years."
"Well," said Lily, "the last time we saw him- not saying when- he
was dressed like a clown. Should we tell the lamu? Because
I wouldn't want to provoke it or anything." "I know the answer!"
yelped Petunia. "You have to bow, then do a dance, then bow again
and then tell the fisherman to tell the lamu, and then run
around the lamu until you get a response. Lucky the fisherman
is still kickin', if you know what I mean. If not, you'd be in
a pickle on how to communicate with it." "That's right. Now
go very carefully, and when you get back there will be a quest
to collect some Luna Weed. I need a facial." So Lily and
Petunia carefully and quietly began to approach the lamu and
bowed, danced, bowed, told the trapped fisherman that Satan
was dressed as a clown as recently as sometime after yesterday
and then ran around the lamu three times before the
lamu communicated to them through the fisherman that it
was very grateful for the information and that an army
would be ready as soon as they could find capable generals
to lead the lamus into battle with Satan. The lamu then
lumped toward them and looked at them expectantly. "Well," said
Lily, "I'll volunteer to show the army where the Fair is."
"I have a math test," said Petunia, "but tomorrow afternoon
is a good time to gather up and defeat Satan. I didn't like him
much. I mean, has the guy never heard of floss? And what
kind of public figure has such bad dental hygiene?!" The
lamu nodded it's blobby head vigorously and lumped off to tell
the rest of the lamus about the major breakthrough in their
battle adjenda. And so the very next afternoon Lily and Petunia
returned to the lake to find about a hundred lamus, all
standing rank and file, waiting for the girls to lead them. After
a quick breifing, the girls led the marching lamus to the
State Fair where Satan was quickly cornered and squished
to death by the many lamus. Afterwhich the lamu children
made a tasty hot meal of the fiend himself, and there was
much rejoicing. And tea. And Go Fish.
Rocks fall. Everybody dies. The Queens of Randomness
STRIKE AGAIN! *evil grin* *jazz hands*

We wrote that on Thursday July 16, 2009 in my mom's car, while we waited in the GM parking lot for her to return from a meeting. It was a grand time passing a notebook back and forth so each of us could write one line: no more, no less.  
Now that it's typed, I cleaned up the punctuation a bit, but left all the bad spelling in. It also seemed like we couldn't decide whether "lamu" was capitalized or not, and now it's all lowercase.

*Ema*

Icon by nique1024.

So both the Kaulitz's have new fucked up hair now. Bill has some weird black and white-rope/dreads thing going on (only looks good in a ponytail) and Tom's brain completely fell out since he cut his dreads off and now has black cornrows. It's like they're trying to look like eachother or something. All I have to say is- if they're not fucking like bunnies yet, then it was all in vain. In mildly related news, the new H&M tshirt is moderately cool; has a big skull and "Rock Hard, F*** Safe" on it. I may buy it if I see it and it's not overpriced in stores. Maybe.

So I went to the Apple Store and it's official: they're all morons. No one knows how to fix iPod hardware issues. Not even the asian repair dude on College n Bathurst. And even tho I'm still w/i warrenty, it's void cuz of water contact and it's Jailbroken. My last hope is to nailpolish over the "water damage" indicator in the headphone jack. We'll see how that works. If not, I'm fucked. I'm also very hessitant to format it when I show it to the Apple jerks, seeing as my Power button no longer works and therefore it would be impossible to Jailbreak the device again. I think I'll cover up the water indicator (if I can) and not format it (just hide some Apps n shit), n just hope they dont notice the JailB since the screen is dark, so I can get the "Ok" before I fuck myself for good. *sigh*

I dropped off my sewing machine at a repair shop earlier today. Picking it up Fri.

Working Thurs/3, Fri/8 this weekend, and the 'rents are in town also. Hoping it'll be better than last time.

I'm reluctant to say anything about CiRCA these days, with all the ups n downs n all, but the last news I heard was good, and I hope that's what it will be.

*drops bit of porkchop on laptop* *licks it off*

I finally got my glasses yesterday. PRADA!! Glad I finally got it over with. They look cute on me. There's just so many little things like that that I keep putting off. Need to pick my ass up a bit more.

The H1N1 flu thing is getting a bit scary.

I can't believe how much I like this Trance Anthems Vol.1 album... it's been my fav for a few months now.

Random much?

*Ema*

Icon by francivusk.

I feel like blah. Like I'm good for nothing, and have nothing to do. My only task for today is to go get milk. I kinda wanna go back to bed, even tho I really really shouldn't, but that's all I've been good at lately.

 I wasted some time earlier on the Converse website, and then said fuck it, cuz I'll be down in the States next week anyways, so I can just go get whatever pair I want then instead of ordering whatever.

See? I can't do anything.

I got out my drawing notebook, thought maybe I'll finish another fashion drawing or something. Havn't yet.

My Photoshop has been open for over a week now and I havnt done anything w it either.

I was looking thru the CiRCA website. Idk why but I don't hate it so much anymore, maybe cuz they've got the pics in order now, and cuz its all so much content, or so it seems. Only hate the main page now, it's still horrid and unspectacular, and CiRCA deserves better. I'm kind of excited about the coming months actually, the club has some interesting stuff planned *lips sealed*. Bumper's gone now, Kevin is in. I dont know what any of it means for me, but I do know that I have to do something, ANYTHING, other than fucking CiRCA-everything! Gah.

I feel like such a bum. Perhaps cuz I am.

I read THFF a bit too much.

*Goes to cut an apple*

I painted my nails earlier today, that's an accomplishment, right? They're a dark purple-blue color, but too sparkly for my liking. So yeah, I fucked that up too cuz I didnt think the blue was gonna be so sparkly n I wanted a more matte color.

OH!! Keith n I went shopping yesterday and he finally gave in and bought 2 pairs of girls pants! Can't believe I almost forgot to write about yesterday! lol. Yeah, 2 pairs of skinny black jeans, one pair being the exact same ones I wear for work, just bigger for him. I mean, the boy has legs any woman would die for, he doesn't belong (or fit) into the huge cuts for men. He also got a cute sweater n dress shirt-- he needs more clothes, period. And lastly, my 2nd biggest accomplishment: 3 pairs of boxer-briefs (or what he calls boy-shorts)! Trust me, he needed them, Mr. Commando, Mr. Ugliestmotherfuckingpairofoldwhitewornboxersontheplanet, which I was about to burn! In fact, he agreed that if I ever catch him wearing those old things I'm allowed to burn them. lol. They've been replaced w little black ones (or 1 pin-stiped pair) that I couldnt keep my hands off of all night. lol. *lil devil*
We also TRIED to dye his hair black, but that didn't work so well. lol. After all the work we did, the semi-perm wouldnt stick to his non-damaged hair and all the color washed out! lol. We thought it would stick at least a little, since my purple stuck to my brown roots at least a little, but I guess his hair is different. *shrugs* Baby was let down a bit. I could see him pouting on the inside.

The weekend was normalish. Fri on Ball5/6, Sat on Ball5/6 (thankfully) and made some good $$. Bumper made a mess and got fired Sat night. Oh, and I cooked Sat night (Sun morning), chicken stir-fry Indian-style, and K is no longer afraid of my cooking. In fact, he even approved and damn-right he should cuz it was v tastey. I missed my cooking. Sunday we did nothing. Mon shopping. Tue is today and its certainly uneventful for me (K's at work).

Gotta find something to do. Cheers.

*Ema*